I woke up this morning and my first thought was "since when did 'What-does-it-all-mean-Sunday' fall on a Tuesday?" And then I realized that it's been a What-does-it-all-mean-coupleayears. And I know you can relate. I've got to fight back. I've got to remember that it's all worth it. I don't know what I'm fighting for. I haven't come to grips with my reality that I don't know what the future looks like anymore. Everything's changing. I don't know if it's for the better. I have to hope so. That's all I got.
God, the future used to be so excitingly scary and now all I see are glimpses of the same day every day over and over and over again.
I'm a fighter. I always have been. I trust my gut, my heart and I go after it. Usually quietly, but I conquer the mountain nonetheless. But now, it takes everything I've got to get out of bed and make a cup of coffee to face the world.
I live so many different lives and none of them feel right because something's not right. I feel like in every situation I'm just faking it until I can go home and just deal with myself, but even that seems fake now. I'm not lying to everyone else though, just to myself.
My coffee cup's empty, now it's time to face the world in another day that is so much like yesterday. But I have never agreed to fake it til I make it so that stops now.
"They heard me singing and they told me to stop
Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock
These days my life, I feel it has no purpose
But late at night the feelings swim to the surface."
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