well....but...enough.

Taking the bull by the horns. Ball's in my court. Basically, taking control. I wait everything out. Wait for just the right time to make my move and what I realized the other day is, there may never be "just the right time." Duh? Right? I mean, it's just an excuse really. If I could count how many lists I've made of what I was going to accomplish by when whether it's today, this year, this week, this month, etc. and never once went back to it to scratch something off, I would probably be amazed with what I could've gotten done with the time I took making said list. No more. It's time. The sun may not be shining in just the right way to capture the perfect moment, but, shit, at this point, if it's pouring rain, I'm just going to have to get wet.
I'm learning a lot about myself through making a new friend. I appreciate that my bullshit is getting called out so quickly. Within a couple months to already hear someone say in frustration "you over analyze everything, just do it!," is a pretty big sign that I've got something to work on. At the same time, old friends are reminding me who I was before I lost myself and I'm beginning to think, I had a thing or two figured out (and still do if I allow myself to believe that) and I just need to dig through all the clutter I've put on top of it.
Root cause: trust. I wage this war between my gut, my heart and my head. Over everything. Which one is right? What do you think? But what if? When should I? BUT... ENOUGH. I don't trust myself and I've let a few spoiled things ruin everything. I used to trust that everyone has the best intentions, sometimes we just get sidetracked. That's not true. But, it should be true of the people I keep in my life and if someone doesn't, they don't belong cause they're ruining it for everyone else.
Big guns are coming out.
So, so ready. Hold me to it.