no lies, just love.

So, with the weekend off, I decided to approach things a little differently. No to-do list, no list of things I want to do either, just let it happen. I am. This morning I woke up at a rather early time for a Saturday that I would usually force myself to sleep through because I could, I made a stop to pick up some things and sat on my patio to decide what I wanted to do today. It's gorgeous outside. GORGEOUS. So, I'm gonna eat that up.
I came inside threw on some clothes and decided to go for a walk (what?!). Best decision I've made in weeks. Headphones in. Go. Shuffle, right? Of course.
We've talked about how my shuffle function speaks to me and this glorious morning stroll was no exception.
Basically, I learned a thing or two about meditation this morning. I restrained myself from skipping through the playlist that was created just for me in this moment and cleared my head. Birds flew and weeping willows danced to Sigur Ros. I came to peace with something in myself. I picked up my pace a little bit to the Walkmen. Let something else go. I soaked up the sun, the children playing with the tiniest puppy I have ever seen, the uneven sidewalk and just said it's going to be OK. Alright? Then, I was in sight of my block a song came on that I hadn't listened to in years. A cool breeze tossed my hair and a vivid memory came up of studying on a blanket in front of the Dudley dorms, beautiful day under the oak tree and this Bright Eyes song hitting me so hard it almost knocked my breath away and inspired my first column that ever appeared in The Tech Talk my freshman year (I had to come home and dig to find it, or course).

The Joy In Forgetting / The Joy In Acceptance

"So, you say there are spaces,
Open and wide.
Believe me there's days,
Longer than nights.
And you will be happy the minute you try...
But you don't try.
No you don't try.

And you speak of a fever,
That burns you inside.
As you explain to your mother,
How you wanted to die.
So she kisses your fingers,
Says "My Darling but why?
When there is so much more...
There is so much more..."

Do you know there are spaces,
Open and wide.
Oh believe me, there's days,
Longer than nights.
And you will be happy,
If only you'd try.
Oh won't you try,
Oh won't you try..."

I'm putting up a fight, y'all. New road every day. New song. Whatever it takes. Open heart, open mind. I've always kept my heart pretty open, but I can't hate anyone for taking advantage of that anymore.
Moving forward, yeah?

Oh, by the way, I had another one of those little nudges I was talking about, only this one brought me to tears in front of my boss, not because of just that little moment, but all of it, and I was so happy that I allow myself to hear those things now and believe them.