easy come, easy go.

Oh, it comes and it goes, doesn't it? Always?
I haven't had much to say to anyone of any real importance lately, much less write, but I want to write right now, so I'm gonna. Hang on.
Today began as most of my days do, hitting the snooze every time my alarm goes off, Kitty in my face sayin' "bitch, get up, do something!" and me soaking in every second I can afford of face buried in my pillow.
But, somehow, I rallied. I have not been as productive as I was today in months and I did cause I wanted to, not because I had to and I now realize that's all the difference. Simple things that I was supposed to, big things I've been needing to and small things just for me. I left work not feeling like I had run a marathon, but that I got shit done today. I came home, took a shower that felt like I was scrubbing off layers of dirt from a hard day's work, cooked the best dinner I have cooked in months for just me, posted up on the couch and relished in my accomplishments of just one day.
I'm really not trying to brag, and y'all know me, I'm never one to toot my own horn, but I'ma gonna wear this badge today, k?
I spend so much time beating the shit out of myself about this, that and everything and feel like I'm not making a difference in my life or anyone else's, but I've had a few simple nods from unexpected places that have just felt so good. Like, wow, you really did notice that? Awesome. Like my peers who have been on this block for way longer than I have saying, "Hey, girl, good job, whatcha doin'? Can you help me with this right quick?" Sure, I'd love to. My dad's best friend telling me how proud I should be of myself because "your dad's been telling me..." Really? Thanks, Dad. Or a singer of a band who used to sleep on my floor call me out in a crowd and say "hey, you were there 10 years ago and look, you still are." Yep, and I'll be there next time, too. And best friends saying, "remember that time when... it really was the best." Yeah? I think so, too.
Just little pokes right in the side, saying "hey, we see you, why don't you go ahead and give yourself that real quick. I won't tell."
The other night I was standing in a group of people on a cobble stone patio plagued with ups and downs from roots trying to get out from under for a breath and I began to lose my balance and someone behind me grabbed me by the waist and helped me find my footing. It sent this overwhelming wave of emotion through my body. This comfort of actually feeling someone support you. It was such a relief, such a comfort. So strange that it impacted me that much. But, that's really all it takes just a little help to stand on solid ground.
Now, I'm not even going to start to pretend that this is some huge revelation and I'm not going back to my old ways tomorrow, but I felt it really important to note what a different a day makes. What a difference getting a little something done makes. What a difference a small comment can make.
'Cause tomorrow I'll wake up with a million alarms and a little black kitty face, roll over, bury myself back under the covers and put my feet on the floor at the last possible second, but maybe, just maybe, I'll have steadier footing and try to count the small things.
I'll let you know how that goes...