chapters.

This month has had its ups and downs for sure, but closing it out, it's definitely been gaining momentum to end on a high note.
A couple of things I've learned this month:
Sometimes really bad, frustrating, bullshit things can bring on really good, happy things and changes if you let em. That stupid wreck that had me so pinched actually enabled me to purchase a new car. Now, I'm really not all that into cars and things of that nature generally. I drove the shit out of my old car happily until about the last year when things kept breaking on it and I knew the end was near but was really concerned about having to buy a new car generally knowing nothing about them and if I could afford a car now that was actually worth buying. Well, I found one and I absolutely love it. Whoever said money can't buy happiness wasn't 100% right, because I've been so happy driving that thing around. Now I know the new car high will wear off, but I feel more confident somehow driving a car I'm really proud to own. I hated that I let my old car get into the shape I did and was starting to get embarrassed about how trashy it was. Also, really proud to be able to do something like that for myself without help, just encouragement.
And, that's the other thing I learned. Being a grown up is kind of like the big leagues. You start to really choose the most valuable players to be on your team and stop letting yourself feel guilty about the people who end up getting picked last or spend most games on the bench. Unfortunately, there's usually a reason for that. I have an amazing team behind me and I am so appreciate of them and so glad I decided to focus my energy on people that will have my back in the biggest ways in the most important moments. It's just been justifying the decisions I've made so far since those decisions really started to matter. To watch someone do literally everything they can for you is so humbling and inspiring and I don't want to lose sight of it again.
I don't know how obvious to the people around me the changes I've made are, but the fact that I see them, acknowledge them and take pride in myself again is just about all I need.
I finally feel like I'm about to turn a page, name, number and start a new chapter and that is just so fucking exciting.