ego breakfast.

One of my favorite lyrics from Cursive that I couldn't really say any better (maybe more eloquently though if I tired) is "my ego's like my stomach, it keeps shitting what I feed it." If you knew me during my Cursive phase, you knew I was going to say that right? Cause if I made you mix CDs it was on at least three of them, right?
Anyway, I'm not gonna go all Freudian on you, but damn my ego/self-confidence/esteem is my fucking worst enemy. (raise your hand if you said "duh" when you read that statement.) I had a conversation with my mother who is a counselor/therapist a couple of months ago when I was doubting good things that were coming my way. It all just seemed too good to be true and my mom had a very Freudian conversation with me, but the point is, I have to start believing that these things are true, are finding their way to me for a reason and I have to basically get my shit together so when the time comes, I don't back away and kick my own ass later. She knows me better than I realize.
So, I've kind of been quiet here about some things that are going on because my ego told me to and I probably will be a little while longer. But, you should know, I've taken a pretty big leap, definitely not the riskiest, but in an area of my life I needed to move on with and if I can just tell myself (my ego) to chill the fuck out for a second, something good just may happen.
"'Cause I'm good enough. I'm smart enough and, doggone it, people like me."
I just quoted Stuart Smiley. I think my mom did, too. I think I'm gonna go now...
But, I mean, it is true. And, that snl skit was the one my mom and sister looked forward to weekly, aside from church lady.
I'm gonna go chop some broc-o-ly. Not really it's 8 am, I just went on an snl/Dana Carvey tangent I didn't see coming.
So, basically, what I'm trying to put into perspective here so I can move on with the rest of my day, is that I took that leap for a reason and I can't change my mind about it mid-air because I'll like die or something. And I may not land in the best spot, but hopefully I'll still have my legs to just move a little further and I'll be there? You know?
I think my best talent, other than dying my hair, is being totally vague. But let's just keep these little affirmations coming and I'm going to do my best to tune out the bullshit in my brain, it gets toxic in there when I let it run wild.