emergency exit.

So, this week was a huge learning experience. To say the least. I'm about to turn it around real quick.
None of the lessons I learned are real shockers. It's all stuff I should've already known about myself, but I was put in situations on another planet from my comfort zone and I didn't die. So, there's that.
So, yeah opportunity showed up and I said "yes" because I've gotten kind of used to that being the answer at this point, which is a good thing, after the dust had settled I was definitely saying "why?" but I just figured out that answer.
Ok. I'm going to keep it real. So, I said "yes" to a pretty much blind date. What? I know. See, I knew a few things about the dude and the things I did know made me feel like we had more in common than pretty much any one I've ever dated and even some friends (minus many years of history) the only thing that wasn't really considered in the equation was chemistry, but you don't know if it exists or not until you show up, apparently.
And, I did, several panic attacks later. Here's the thing, I've never been on a date. Like a "real" date. Like let's grab drinks and dinner and see what happens date.
So, after not eating all day and trying on every article of clothing I have and even washing some to be sure I had all my options, I ended up just wearing everything that makes me me and comfortable, got in the car, blasting the ac on my pits that were out of control when my anthem came on the radio (I had never heard it on the radio) and I took a breath turned it up and trusted it was a sign to just chill out.
So, I'll save you all the details from here. I met him at the bar, it was incredibly awkward. I mapped out at least 3 escape routes and abandoned all of them for some unknown reason. Like "will you excuse me while I go to the ladies room real quick?" and just fucking bolt out of the back door. No, seriously. But, no, I sat there and got drunk (remember I said I didn't eat) and as the tequila hit, it did get a little more tolerable the less I gave a shit about what this dude thought.
Two hours later and drunk. I survived. I sat there for two hours! I mean, remember that "20 seconds of bravery" thing I wrote about? Well, apparently I had saved millions of seconds of it for this event.
The bottom line is, it was mutual. We never would've seen each other in a totally organic setting and been like "I'm really interested in talking to him/her." And, yet, we did for two hours. The only reason I have any inkling to talk to him again is to laugh about how terrible it was and why did we stay? But, I won't, don't worry.
So, what I learned, right? I learned that I do take things too seriously. If I would've just chilled out and removed all expectations of how that whole thing was going to go, it probably would've been a lot easier. I'm socially awkward enough as it is, but being out in a situation that is so awkward from start to finish is like hell on earth for me. But, I survived. I lived to laugh about it as soon as I got in my car. I had the courage to put myself out there and show up for something I never would've done before. My survival instincts (when I got over the escape plans) was to order tequila (he did, too) and not give a damn. Also, the red flags were there. They totally were and I chose to ignore them because he brought out almost famous lines leading up to our meeting. Really, that's all it took. So, don't be blinded by favorite movie references. Check.
So, I took that leap. I stumbled a bit in the landing. But, I have all of my limbs and no bruises to be attributed to the experience. I'll chalk it up to another experience. I'll take all of the lessons and horrible first date stories with me. I won't let it ruin almost famous or "Tiny Dancer" even though it was drunkenly sang to me in a public setting. I will use an escape route next time (if there is a next time) and, no matter what, my life will go on.
No, you read that right, "drunkenly sang 'Tiny Dancer.'"
I mean, everyone needs a horrible first (and last) date chapter in the book, right? So glad to check that off the life experiences list.