forks.

To be asked "what do you want? Where do you want to go?" by two people who have the power to help it happen for you is exciting and scary.
It's exciting because I'm a really dedicated and passionate person and when the people who are supposed to see that actually do and want to help you move forward, it's like the biggest compliment you can get. Unfortunately, my answer was really vague and filled with "I haven't really thought about its."
To the question of where, well that's pretty open ended. I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be, but maybe that's just because I've found a new bubble to live in? I think that's the scary part.
See, I continued on this journey of turning my college part time job into a full time one to meet my basic needs. My "plan" was to keep working with them so I could really work on what I wanted to do which is write. Only now, four years have past and I don't have much to show for that second part. I mean, I'm starting to, but somewhere in my big dreamer mind, I guess I thought I'd have a bestseller sitting on displays in book stores every where and I'd be living in that bungalow on the beach by now. I mean, there's still time, but it is definitely passing.
It's scary because I could go deeper down this path I had imagined to be temporary. Did y'all know it wasn't going to be temporary? I never expected to have reached the place I have and now to start thinking about going beyond that is just kind of a lot to process. I love living where I do because I really felt this need to be close to my family and now that that need has been met, I know I made the right choice at the time. But, also I've been quieting this internal struggle of not putting down roots that are difficult to pull up because this isn't where the rest of my story takes place. Despite my new found comfort level, that's always whispered in the back of my mind.
Here's what I know. This is how life works. As much as I have this need to be a planner and have things mapped out for the rest of my life, there's kind of no point in laying out the stepping stones and counting on them. I have this tendency to over think, analyze and write the story before the characters (even the main one) have even developed. I get this feeling that I might only be in the first season of this particular show. The past was another series entirely. It's like a slow season one with all of this set up and character development, a few curve balls and maybe a nail biter season finale so you'll stay tuned next fall.
I feel like I need to start answering some questions, because as I was reminded by my father and his best friend, you don't get asked what you want that often in life. Family will always be there, that's what family is for. Friends change, the ones that matter will change with you. Life is unpredictable, so enjoy the ride while you don't have so much baggage to bring along with you.
It kind of feels like we've only have a few episodes of season one left and it's time to tie up some loose ends and create a new story line that y'all can't wait to watch unfold. Don't worry though, it won't end in me cutting off my hair like Felicity. That was a terrible decision.