tightening it up.

May's lesson: CHILL OUT.
Got it.
I mean, today, I got it.
I'm not going to go into the details in what lead me to this because there's so many and kind of more importantly, they are embarrassing, some of them expensive, but I hear you now, universe, k?
I allow myself to get so swept away, wrapped up, consumed, swallowed, smothered (you get it now, right? It was going to start sounding like a waffle house hash brown order in a second.) with things that I miss details and sometimes I forget what's in and out of my control. I forget to take five minutes to sort something out because I think something else in the present is more important and really it's just not always true.
So, as if you couldn't tell from my last little rant, I had very much been in my first little funk in a minute (which is kind of something to be proud of) I ultimately dealt with it in a timely, positive manner, but I did give in to over thinking for sure.
In the meantime, I've just felt so busy that I left so many things slip through the cracks without me noticing that I ultimately had to (literally) sift through a stack of overlooked things to find a bunch of answers to things I started to panic about. Chill out.
So, I'm off for two days. I'm going to take the last two days of May to catch up, tune out and move on. Along with chilling out, the other thing I've had to realize is that I'm only truly responsible for myself. That's the only thing I have in my control and once again I tried to control the outcome of so many things that truly were just not entirely in my hands and it left me feeling helpless.
At the end of the day, it's just me that I have to wrestle with to find peace of mind. That's been a whole lot easier lately, so there's that, but if I'm not looking out for myself or taking care of myself for that matter, I do end up pretty helpless and not the person I want to be for the people in my life.
I'll allow myself to believe that pool time is bettering myself. I can't do much else at home like bathe because I neglected to realize my online payments for my water bill hadn't gone through in two months resulting in it being disconnected this morning. So there's one of the embarrassing/expensive mistakes I didn't plan on mentioning. Further proof, I'm keeping it real.