going and coming.

Last night watching an emotional moment of my favorite show, I was reminded of the exact moment I had in my life several years ago and was overwhelmed with the comfort of it.
See, on the eve of my adventure to that big city in California, I flipped the fuck out. Basically. I was dragging my feet to leave my big comfortable bubble of a house scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom (something that you know rarely got done if you ever visited), doing anything to postpone my departure in absolute panic attack hysterically crying mode. I was scared shitless.
The map had been literally drawn out and money had been deposited in my account by my father. All of my stuff was packed. My best friend ready for the biggest road trip of our lives and I just couldn't take that step out of the door.
I called my mom in the midst of all of this and she said the words that made it all better, " you can always come back, but you can't always leave." Urging me to take this risk (which she didn't see as a risk at all), knowing that it would change my life. She knew I was meant for this life and I felt it was possibly her proudest moment for me to see me take this leap into the great unknown into my future.
That's what she does. That's what great mommas and daddys do. Push you out of that nest, but reassure you as they do.
You can't always go, but you can always come back. Ain't that the truth? With everything? I kinda think so. And I don't just mean with like actual departures. Any scary risk going out on a limb thing in your life.
What's it called? Failure to launch? I talk myself out of far too many things because it may hurt. Either physical or emotionally (which I kind of believe are one in the same). I have the most difficult time escaping from that comfort bubble because nothing can happen to me in it, but that's just a pitiful way to live and I'm exhausted with it.
I've mentioned that my challenge this year is being fearless. I almost bought a bracelet with that word boldly stretching across it to serve as a daily reminder, but thought to any one who knows me that would be the most contradictory thing I could possibly wear on my wrist. But, why not make it true again? It was at one time. Not just the time I did go and, as it turns out, didn't want to come back.
I hope that bracelet is still there, and if it is, there's no going back.