finals week.

It's amazing when you don't know the burdens you've really been carrying around until they start to lift and you physically feel the change. It's almost like I've been holding my breath for weeks and finally gotten to take a deep long inhale and catch it again.
The past few weeks have been like a final exam for me with so many things in my life. I won't recount them all, that would be really redundant because I have been processing things on some level here. But, for the first time, I've truly allowed myself to back far enough away from a situation to realize I can't own it. I won't. I won't let myself feel bad about it. I won't question myself.
I try really hard to do right by the people in my life. It's a selfish thing really. I can't handle going to sleep with unresolved issues. I can't walk away. It's a blessing and a curse and I've definitely seen the extremes of both ends of the spectrum.
I've sought out a lot of resolution to situations in my life recently. I have examined them from any possible angle and while they didn't work out the way I had imagined, they worked out the way they needed to.
I can't control how someone feels about me or how they choose to act towards me. Just how I feel and act. That's pretty simple and very "duh," but it's something I've struggled with for, well, pretty much always.
There will always be something that needs resolution, but I now realize, to a certain extent, it'll happen on its own terms. When it's meant to. How it's meant to. And, sometimes that just has to be enough.
I can bend over backwards and sideways and turn a blind eye and the other cheek all day long, but at the end of the day, I'm the one who feels the repercussions from that, not them. Meanwhile, the red flag has been waving in my face the entire time.
However, reaching the end of the road with no words left to say that haven't already been said and being able to walk in a different direction is a pretty great feeling. I won't rub your nose in it, you'll realize it soon enough and if not, well, I have to be ok with that, too.
Ultimately, I passed the test. I struggled on some of the answers, but I did it. I've caught my breath. The weight has been lifted.
It's all happening. I'm getting somewhere, y'all.