i mean.

The words "I mean..." come out of my mouth so much I don't even notice it. It's a part of a lot of my friends vernacular. I don't know where its origin came from, but in conversation with one of them, it holds meaning, many of them really. And, absolutely nothing at all at the same time.
That's my constant predicament. I need everything to mean something even when it means nothing at all. I will dig for it. Sometimes I feel like a soothsayer looking at chicken wing bones to get some answers. It's how I come to terms with everything even some things that most people never need to come to terms with. I mean, (see?) if I were to word search just this blog for the phrase "everything happens for a reason" I'd probably be embarrassed how many times it surfaced. Most of the time, it's a really positive mentality, but then there are times the blessing becomes a curse. I start dissecting an event from my life and seek meaning in the most meaningless. I'm a pro at reading between those lines, but I might misinterpret it from time to time.
It's exhausting, but it's my process so I have to come to terms with it. For real though, most of the time I'm right. At first, I'll probably make those bones mean something, I'll interpret that horoscope to mean what I want it to, over exaggerate little things to make them mean bigger things. So, well see. We always do. Eventually.
But, I mean, really, where would we be without wishful thinking?