right next door to each other.

I learned a lot this past month about many of the people in my life and myself. Somehow. For a minute there, I did lose myself in the hustle and bustle of life and, as it turns out, death, too. I never really had a moment that my brain shut down on my to-do list to process what was going on around me and then, this morning, the puzzle pieces started finding their matching nooks and crannies.
My family changed almost over night. Actually, pretty much literally. Life and death really do live next to each other.
Baby Noah is here and I've watched my parents and his become different people with different names. Softer, nurturing names that suit the people they are becoming. I've never seen any of these people around babies, but it has been amazing to watch priorities shift and literally see what love looks like. To hear my mom sing the same lullabies to him as she did to me or see tears in my father's eyes the first time he laid eyes on his first grandson and my sister's world stop and change direction while my brother-in-law beams with pride and hope for what's to come for his first son. It's all amazing and overwhelming and so damn important and even though my life started moving faster, I'm so glad I found the pockets of time to watch it all happen.
My dad's evolution really went full speed a couple weeks later when he was literally broken by having to let go of his little buddy, our cat Frasier. He tried so hard to fix him and was so mad at himself that it was out of his control. If you would've told me that that little flea ridden kitty that was dropped off at our house almost 20 years ago would've changed my father's life, I wouldn't have believed you, but I might've paid closer attention. It was the very first time my dad couldn't hide his hurt and it was difficult to watch, but I learned more about him that day than most of my life. What he probably doesn't realize is that by finally allowing us to see him broken, he is so much stronger to me.
And, me? I'm not real sure. I've had a sore throat the past couple of days and I'm starting to wonder if it may be because I've been trying to swallow some bitterness. I'm a little disappointed in myself feeling like I've turned my back on someone I swore I never would. I know it seems like I have but I'm really just straining my neck to look the other way until I'm ready to face it. I just have this overwhelming urge to move forward and I'm so tired of turning around that I now realize I've been going in circles for far too long. I can't go back there again.
I'm catching my breath though. Moving on and forward. If there's anything I've learned the last month, there is so much life left to live and I better get to it. No looking back.