spin.

It's really difficult to stay positive. For me anyway? For most people?
There are a few people I've encountered that have a way of letting things roll right off their back and not in a "don't give a shit" way either. It's one of the most admirable qualities I find in other people. I'm sure they break, too, maybe I'm just not who they choose to crack in front of.
I'm working really hard to put a positive spin on things. To own what I own. To trust that good, better, best is still ahead and worrying about it won't make it get here any faster. Sometimes happiness really is a choice. Sometimes.
I'm totally testing my endurance on this one. I have cracked and taken a time out (or two), but I've also become so sensitive to negativity it's almost as if I'm repulsed by it. You can only try to nudge someone in a positive direction so many times before you fight the urge to just shove them if at the very least just out of your way. And, if I hear another excuse I just may vomit, ok?
I get that everyone has their ups and downs. I've had more than a few bouts and it is important to have people you can just let it all out to. None of this is easy. It never will be. For anyone. But, damn, y'all, we're never going to win any of this if we gave up before the game even started.
All I know is, I'm feeling happier than I've felt in a long time. Not many things have changed in my life for me to pin point what's making it that way, and that's just it. I called that shot. Even in the face of the what ifs and have nots. I'm just kind of looking a little further ahead to the what's to comes and know they'll hit my door step right when I'm ready for em.

your turn.

It's really no secret that I get obsessed with things. Completely. A TV show. A song. A drink. A crush. The past. I will get consumed.
I want as much of it as I can get and I'm going to talk about it until there's nothing left to talk about that you haven't heard three times, probably. I realized today just how much I appreciate that patience, and more importantly, support in my friends whether it was about Glee or my imaginary boyfriend.
These little obsessions are just refreshing. They're changing my reality. Maybe temporarily, not always.
I'm really appreciating the opportunities that are coming my way, but, I think it's more about the fact that I'm open to them at all to say "yes," you know?
I'm having more fun, taking more chances and putting myself out there just a little tiny bit and that support I was talking about makes all the difference. And, I'm not just talking about the sweet, I've got your back no matter what kind, I'm talking about the "I believe in you and this and you should keep going" kind. The ones that have butterflies in their stomach for you when you don't even have them. That want to know every single detail. It's just about investment. Really. Showing up.
So, I'm making moves, really I've made all the ones I've got as of right now. I just hope we keep playing the game.