happy alone.

Now that falls knocking on the door and my personal life is about to jump out of the window (retail holiday, y'all), I'm living it up.
I'm not too sad that I've traded pool days for patio ones, although I will miss the tan for sure. It's kind of gotten me thinking about this last year with my birthday approaching. (I mean, it's a couple months away, but it's how I mark my calendar year. Is that a self-absorbed tendency?)
It's been huge. I think I've learned more about myself this year than I ever have. I've gotten to know myself pretty well, but I used this one to really challenge those realizations to make them into affirmations. I'll save the in-depth reflections for when the time really comes. But, as of right now, I'll say the best way to sum it up is I put myself out there. Clearing toxic bullshit out of your life can do a lot for a girl.
Yesterday, I made one of the best, irresponsible decisions I've ever made. I hopped in the car to make a few hour (at one time very familiar trip) to see one of my favorite bands that I've always wanted to see but have always let myself find an excuse not to. Alone. That's the kicker. I never ever would've done that before. But, I wanted to, so I did. I almost backed out for a number of reasons, some of which were pretty legitimate others were just awkward fears, but I went and it was one of the most gratifying personal experiences. Aside from the fact that the Walkmen are probably one of the most professional bands I've ever seen live or that they do indeed sound way better live than their recordings. I didn't have less of an experience because I walked in by myself.
I drove home feeling like a badass. It may seem small or like not that big of a deal, but it was a huge affirmation on how far I've come with my personal growth. I did it because I wanted to. I did it for myself. Those are two reasons I've had a really difficult time in the recent past justifying. It was this private moment I had in one of my favorite environments in a room full of strangers.
Another thing scratched off on my list. And the best part is, I don't really think there's very much left to check off, if anything. I meant it when I said it was the year of yes.