yes jess.

Last year I made it the year of "yes."
It was supposed to be (and really was) a time for me to just go for it. Do things. Step outside of my comfort zone (and, by step I really mean tip-toe). Stop making excuses or flaking out. All of that.
I did learn a lot. I did do new things. I did trust myself a lot more and I did (and do) plan on expanding upon it this year.
Only right now, I just feel like a "yes" person.
I've said yes to so many things I'm not doing any of them well and most of them I don't want to do at all.
I said yes for the wrong reasons. Because I thought the intentions were different or because I thought it was a "sign" or because I can handle it or maybe a couple times because asking me really wasn't a question, just a courtesy.
And, like, I'm done. Not just because when I've asked for things I've been getting a lot of nos, but also because I really can't fake giving a shit about some things like I thought I could. And, mostly because I'm just exhausted.
What happened to the questions that were fun to say yes to?
I do realize that I should be flattered in some way about some things because someone wants me to do something for them and the bottom line is because they believe I'll do a good job. And, that's great. But, I don't feel like I'm doing a good job at any of them.
After this brain purge, it'll be like a preamble. I'll tighten it up and get my shit together and power through. Always do.
I just need to get a little more comfortable saying "no" to your things and "yes" to mine.
Those are the fun ones anyway.
Yes ma'am.