finding my way back.

Last month I kind of ran away for a minute. I'd been in Houston for the longest stretch of time since I moved here and needed to catch my breath. I was tired of being "new." Of having to introduce myself on an almost daily basis. Of no one really knowing me. So I fled to New Orleans to surround myself with my oldest friends in an old city.
I had just started the process of being open I was telling you about. I had just gotten burned. I was internally fighting the shut down. Literal burn out. Time out.
As my plane took off from Houston, I took advantage of my window seat and my breath was kind of taken away as I looked down on this huge city I now call home. It's mine. I live here. As it got smaller and I got closer to the stars, I felt bigger. I felt better.
I arrived in the early hours of the morning and was greeted by one of those friends. One that had at one point gotten closer to me than almost anyone. None of it was physical, but I do believe that anywhere it went, it's always been with me. And, it felt like home, too.
So, I was reminded of who I am to people who matter most, when I needed it most. But, I was also able to see who I am now.
So, I came back ready. Ready to be home. Ready to live here.
That night I went to see Father John Misty alone. I like doing that now. I just let go. It was like church. The air conditioner was out and every one was pouring sweat as we sang and had our moment. As I walked down the creaky stairs and got my first hit of fresh air, a smile stretched across my face as I applauded myself for this life I'm finally building.
Since then, I can't even begin to retell all of the amazing things that have begun showing up in my life. How much I've laughed or smiled or gotten weak in the knees or felt or hoped or lived. Those are the things that happen in a moment. Those things are comfort. They're home. A string of affirmations. Subtle taps on the shoulder to say, "There you go, you're doing just fine, sister" as I shove myself out into my life.
When you ask for things, it's amazing when they start to show up. You just have to lift your head up and live to see them as they approach. Sometimes you have to get up in the clouds to see just how big your life is. I'll bet you find it in the last place you look.