silent applause.

Have you ever known someone for a long time and never really had a conversation with them about anything that matters? And then, one day you finally do and it feels almost like a secret was revealed to you? They could be someone in your outer circle of friends, a co-worker or a passing acquaintance (xanga reference) and one day the stars align and for whatever reason shit gets real.
For me, it's like a sense of relief when it happens. Like, ok, that's the purpose this person has served in my life. It's one of my favorite things really.
Sometimes it can be like a chance to set the record straight about who you are. Sometimes it's this magical communication that allows you to open up about something on your mind and feel like there's no judgment because they're so far outside of your closer reality. It can be really refreshing. A sigh of relief.
That happened for me today in a not so personal context, but still. I've felt like I've already proven myself to people so many times and the thought of having to do it again was just exhausting and has been a chip on my shoulder for the last few months.
Turns out, when you're doing things right and well, people notice even when you don't think they do or they might not go out of their way to let you know. Now, that's really refreshing.
You never know what people notice about you from a distance and when they notice amazing things that you're aware of but don't like to acknowledge it's huge.
I'm not one to throw a parade for myself. I'm not going to ask for your applause. But when you choose to do it without even a slight request my world kind of stops. It hits me to the core.
It's these unexpected interactions and confirmations that keep me motivated. Like the fact that in the last few weeks, I've had over 300 views on this silly little blog. I don't know who you are, but I appreciate you. Every day I see someone's reading it's like a stadium of cheers goes off inside. I'm not asking for your praises, but I appreciate you for watching from a distance and participating in this one sided conversation I've been having.
It's the first time I've really acknowledged what I think and feel openly in a long time.
What a relief.
How refreshing.
Where'd that chip on my shoulder go?